2:00:17
Morale is a balloon. It takes time and effort to build up and no time at all to deflate, whether you let the air out or pop it with something sharp.
I did (and completed) my first triathlon in three years over the weekend, and despite the heat and more hills than I expected, it popped my balloon. Hard. Two hours and seventeen seconds. My slowest race ever by a wide margin.
My next book—the title of which I have yet to officially reveal—was going great, but after taking a break to read some books and (supposedly) shorten my books-I-want-to-read list, I realized just how far I have to go as a writer. That felt more like letting the air out of the nozzle at the bottom, maybe squeezing it to make that funny high-pitched noise at times. Each book I read deflated the balloon some.
Brandon Sanderson (Words of Radiance), Victoria Schwab (A Darker Shade of Magic), and Leigh Bardugo (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) are absolute masters of their craft, and I loved their books. I enjoyed getting lost in their characters and stories, but doing so also made me feel like a very small fish in a vast ocean.
It's hard to acknowledge, but I am not the athlete I used to be, nor am I the writer I want to be. I don't have the time or effort to put towards performing at the athletic level I once did, nor can I sit for hours a day plotting out and writing books at the same time, not to mention managing a growing band that I adore. My world and my body have both changed, and the former will continue to do so. And that's exciting, but with it comes revelations. The balloon must be re-inflated.
I had aspirations of doing a half Ironman this summer, but in reality I don't think I can get my body ready in time. I want to enjoy that experience, and at this rate, it would be a slog. I also wanted my next book to be done by fall, but it won't be the quality it deserves if I push it. The Bards is a project that grew faster than I anticipated, and I want to dedicate the time that it deserves. Something has to give, or at the very least, expectations need to be managed.
The future may hold another half or full Ironman, but it's not the immediate future. This next book is special and important to me—it is part of a healing process that I don't think I'll ever be done with. I can’t wait to share it with you all, but I want it to be at its best.
For now, though, I am going to let myself breathe. The balloon popped because of the pressure I put on myself. Another half Ironman can happen any time. My next book will be ready when it's ready. The only one putting deadlines on me is me, so I am taking a step back and regrouping.
That being said, I will be revealing my next book in June. No release date, no progress updates, just a title and the story behind it.
Until then,
JB6
